Christmas Cheer Recount

MPW Presents: Christmas Cheer

by Johnny W. – Saturday, December 3, 2011
All MPW event results

Welcome to the monster pit once again wrestling fans! The weather outside is a bit frightful, but the MPW fans are stout and are crowding the ring tonight. We’re just about ready to go!

Last month’s R.I.P.Tribution IV had a huge impact on many of the roster. Like ‘Mr. Intensity’ Mark Posey and the rest of Greatness on Demand finally beat back Jack Hammer’s push for the MPW Heavyweight championship. Even though Posey has lied, cheated, stole, and anything but play fair to keep the belt away from the military man, Posey has outlasted Monster Pro Wrestling management’s patience in giving Jack more chances at redemption. The fans find out right away that Hammer’s been busted down to the undercard, leading off the show against G.o.D. footman Insane Irishman, with Bonecrusher accompanying to the ring.

MPW Heavyweight Division Exhibition: Insane Irishman w/Bonecrusher v Jack Hammer

But Hammer’s not pouting by a longshot. He’s got every bit of Irishman’s strength plus a bit of extra agility over the Shannoner, and Hammer easily throws off a few aggressive lockups. Irishman forces an armbar but Hammer smirks and reverses like it was nothing. Irishman has to beat a retreat to the floor and talk tactics with Bonecrusher. The new plan is a test of strength, and Irishman buffaloes Hammer into the corner. Jack ducks an arrogant chop and returns to sender a sledge chop. Irishman tries the chop again but Hammer again ducks and repays another hard chop plus a huge back body drop, and Irishman scrambles out of the ring. Hammer’s sure looking like every bit the dominating heavyweight force that deserves a fair shot at the title.

Jack quickly regains control again and a hefty powerslam and thick legdrop has Irishman begging off to the referee in the corner. I guess the G.o.D. plan c stands for ‘complain to the ref’. A Dhia! Bonecrusher rushes in and clocks Jack from behind while his back and the ref’s back were both turned to Irishman. I guess plan c stands for ‘cheat any which way you can’. Irishman immediately goes on a tear, big clothesline, big surfboard, big suplex, then pull the ref away for Bonecrusher to cheat in a few more shots. The crowd sure has got a hate on, another match where G.o.D. screws over Jack Hammer. Whoa! Jack manages a stiff kick to Irishman’s gut and pulls off a hasty piledriver! Overbalanced that 250 pound load a bit and didn’t land it flush. Still should be enough for a three count if Jack can roll over for the pin. Frustratingly, the opportunity evaporates as Bonecrusher’s trying to get in the ring and the ref is blocking him out instead of looking for the count.

That’s ok, Jack just needs one more big move and he’ll… get caught in a surprise IRA slam from Irishman?! Hammer barely kicks out before the three. Irishman is shocked and so is the crowd (but happily so). Irishman sets up for another finisher but Jack counters into a powerful fallaway slam! The crowd is loving it and that energy is feeding into a classic Hammer blitz. Irishman is writhing on his back. Bonecrusher flies in past the ref but Hammer is a step ahead and blitzes on him too. When Irishman staggers up Hammer doubles down and clotheslines them both. The ref’s had it with the cheating and dq’s the behemoth bros. Krazy Kore comes running in to back up Hammer against any further double teaming.

Winner: Jack Hammer

Hammer takes the mic and pledges to end the plague of G.o.D. cheaters once and for all, starting from the ground up if he has to. Nino knows a good match when he sees one and immediately sanctions a Hammer/Kore vs. Irishman/Bonecrusher tag for the next show!

Chris Perish hits the ring next. Another on the roster who is down on the card after a losing streak (Chris lost three straight matches at R.I.P.Tribution IV last month, much to the fans delight). His opponent is young touring talent Kenny Doll, making a very brave return to MPW after getting absolutely thrashed by Phil Lafon nearly one year ago. Both studs are sorely in need of a win in this match.

MPW Provincial Division Exhibition: Chris Perish v Kenny Doll

Boytoy Kenny gets off to a flying start with a flurry of moves including a double underhook suplex that has cockroach Chris scurrying out of the ring. Perish’s cocky attitude is bigger than the building and despite the setback Chris is still insisting on his championship pedigree right in the fans faces. Kenny reaches out and clutches a handful of greasy hair (yuck!) and Chris is gingerly on the ring apron. Suddenly Perish locks on Doll’s wrists and jerks his full bodyweight in a sitout, and Kenny’s neck strangles over the top rope, then slingshots backwards for a hard crash in the ring centre. In no time Chris is on top of the inexperienced kid.

Swinging neckbreaker, corner mudhole stompede, rope-bridge ddt, best dropkick in the business, Kenny is made to feel every last pain and humiliation that Perish has had to go through since last show. Kenny’s lookin killed, can’t manage any offense under the onslaught, but give the lad credit, he’s managing to kick out of every pin. An overeager top turnbuckle elbow drop gives Kenny a chance to roll out of the way, and the crowd’s encouragement helps him get to his feet before Perish is ready. Doll pulls off an inverted atomic drop to build some momentum. Enough to get in a sharp suplex and a two count. A whip to the corner for a flying splash, but yowtch! Perish collapses to the side enough to have Kenny belly flop onto the buckle, face clanging off the post. Kenny stumbles around right into a deadly Perishute of no return. And another gets branded into Monster ‘Perish’ Wrestling.

Winner: Chris Perish

Tyler James lost more than anyone at R.I.P.Tribution IV: he lost his partner, then a Nite ambush cost him his tag team belts, and finally good friend Massive Damage ‘helping’ him lose his shot at the MPW ‘Ripper’ Hardcore championship, again to Nite. But it looks like MPW management has got TJ’s back tonight, giving him a MPW Provincial Division #1 Contender shot. All he has to do is go through Nite’s stablemate Mutato as well as good friend Taylor Stone in a triple threat.

MPW Provincial Division #1 Contender, triple threat: Mutato v Taylor Stone v ‘Wild Child’ Tyler James

James is not feeling the friendship lately and gets right in Stone’s grill, and the Taylor vs. Tyler shouting match has Mutato feeling a little left out. When the demented demon tries to horn in on the conversation, he steps right into an angry double-team whirlwind that picks him up and dumps him out of the ring.

With the ring to themselves, Stone and James blitz out a war of speed and style, exchanging quick pins and counterpins until Mutato crawls back in and breaks them up. Technical wizardry, submission supremacy, and brute force wreck around the ring but moves like suplexes and bearhugs that are devastating against single opponents leave you vulnerable to counter-attacks from the third adversary. Tyler shows off some understanding of double-target takedowns, scoring with a clothesline-plus-ddt combo. But a followup flip double chinbreaker is caught by the pair in mid-flip and TJ gets disrespectfully dumped into the opposite corner. Taylor takes advantage of a James-Mutato slugfest for a top turnbuckle flying double clothesline, but it’s not enough to get a pin on either man. Mutato is able to duck a Stone high kick and use his momentum for a juryrig spear catching both James and the ref. Nite takes this opportunity to bring a kendo stick in the ring and aim it for Taylor Stone’s head while Mutato has him trapped. But Stone ducks the swing, and Mutato ducks with the instinct of someone who has seen the pain end of a hundred of Nite’s kendo sticks. This leaves TJ left alone in the path of the swing, and immediately out cold on his back. Nite beats it while the ref struggles back on his feet. Stone surprises Mutato with a superkick and then reluctantly covers TJ for an easy three. It might not be the way he wanted it, but Taylor Stone is now your #1 Contender for Nite’s Provincial title.

Winner: Taylor Stone (Taylor Stone awarde MPW Provincial Division #1 Contender)

Up next was a match I’ve been waiting a long time to see. I’ve always felt Vance Nevada was the true beef behind G.o.D.’s success, even though the Heavyweight belt is on Posey’s waist. Vance’s win at the battle royal at last month’s R.I.P.Tribution IV was a master class of plan execution, and his Money in the Bank contract award was, I hate to admit it, well earned. But there’s still one man on the MPW roster whose resume clearly outdoes the beefy veteran’s, several times over. Phil Lafon wastes no time grabbing the mic to remind Vance’s gloating ego who is the biggest deal in Monster Pro Wrestling. If this match wasn’t personal before, it sure is now. I, and the fans, are on the edge of our seats salivating for the bell to ring!

MPW Heavyweight Division exhibition: ‘Mr. Beefy Goodness’ Vance Nevada v Phil Lafon

I hear Phil has been intensifying his training lately. His new partnership with and mentoring of young kid Sonic Insania seems to have invigorated Phil and it’s really showing in the first lockup. Phil finds the leverage point like it’s simplicity itself and Nevada is immediately backed into the corner. Lafon shows some class by backing off immediately when the ref asks. Vance takes the low road and berates the ref really for nothing. I gotta say Vance is looking a bit shaken here, and the fans love it! Another lockup and Vance once again finds all his room to manouver taken away. This time when Phil breaks for the ref Vance slaps across Phil’s cheek. Vance immediately slips out of the ring and behind Melisha’s skirt to keep the legend from unleashing his rage. The ref keeps Lafon back, and finally coaxes the beefy one to carefully step through the ropes. Lafon kicks the far side of the middle rope up in mid-straddle and Nevada is in pain!

Phil is three steps ahead of Vance, and is converting the advantage into damage. Arm drags into arm breakers. High heel kicks into suplexes. Japanese strangleholds into tornado whip clotheslines. Every dirty little shortcut Nevada has been using to make his recent matches easier is being shrugged aside and punished hard. Vance desparately switches gears to full-bore bare knuckle punching and Phil is looking a bit rocked! It’s deceptive but Mr. Beefy Goodness carries some heavyweight hands that can drop you in one punch. Those double-axehandles feel like raining anvils and Lafon doesn’t have an umbrella right now. A sidewalk slam and a power slam sets up Phil prone next to the corner, and Vance steps up on the second turnbuckle. With a disgustingly-beefy hip gyration to the crowd, Nevada leaps for a beefy leg drop… Phil barely gets over the hump and out of the way!

The crowd is yelling for Phil to get up and Phil obliges to deliver a big atomic drop and a crushing belly-to-belly suplex, but Vance still has some kicks left in him and escapes at the two count. Another 100% Alberta Beef punch staggers Lafon. Irish whip set up for a clothesline but Phil sees it coming and ducks it. Vance hastily stumbles to switch to a hip toss off the other rope but Phil sets his weight into rotating and Vance is caught rotating with him into a perfection backslide pin! The ref counts and Vance is locked tight! One! Two! Three! Ring the bell!

Winner: Phil Lafon

Uh oh! Looks like ‘Mr. Beefy Goodness’ has one more plan. Pulling Phil’s attention away from the entrance curtain allows Insane Irishman and Bonecrusher to get in position for a sneak attack. The ref rings the bell continuously but the double beatdown won’t stop until Jack Hammer and Krazy Kore jump the ring again. The Greatness on Demand trio jump up on the apron again. I definitely want to see this brawl right now! The crowd is so into this too. Bah. The cowards back off,
mumbling about not giving the crowd anything for free or something like that.

A quick intermission gives the fans a chance to get some tasty beef on a bun snackage from the kitchen, and the fans are gonna need to build up some intestinal fortitude for the revolting sight up next.

Greatness on Demand hit the ring again and the crowd wastes no time laying into Mark Posey. Posey crows over how as the MPW Heavyweight champion he’s taken on all comers on the roster and on tour and beat them all, and there’s no one left in the heavyweight division who can give him a fair challenge anymore. Right on cue Spooky Bonanza’s music floods the ring and the crowd goes wild! Nino sanctions the match on the spot.

MPW Heavyweight Division exhibition (non-title): ‘Mr. Intensity’ Mark Posey v Spooky Bonanza

Spooky’s in an especially playful mood. After the ref pats down Spooky’s boots for foreign objects, Spooky insists on doing the same to the ref. And then Spooky pats down the ref’s arms. And then Spooky pats down on the ref’s head, but the ref runs away and insists on getting the match started. Spooky freaks out when the bell rings and starts chasing the ref around the ring! But then he stops, and taps the side of his mask like… he’s got an idea? That’d be a first!

Posey asserts himself with a quick headlock out of the lockup. Spooky shoves him into the ropes but holds out his hands as Posey comes off the ropes? Posey puts on the brakes and Spooky points up. What’s Spooky pointing to? When Posey looks up Spooky stomps on Posey’s toes! HA! Mark limps to the corner while Spooky laughs so hard around the ring that he flops onto his back. The fans are loving it! I’m loving that Mark Posey is hating it!

Another lockup and this time Spooky takes the headlock, and Posey throws him off the ropes and holds his hands out to stop. Now Posey is pointing up. Spooky looks confused. Posey insists to look up and Spooky just stomps on Posey’s toes again! HA! Posey’s having a hard time keeping up with the Bonanza games tonight. I don’t know though, every laugh from the crowd seems to be steaming Posey even more. The intensity level on Mark’s face is starting to look a bit scary to me.

Posey doesn’t even bother with a lockup anymore, preferring an intense beatdown instead. Spooky’s taking a lot of shots but he knows the brawling game too and gives some back. Posey tries bouncing Spooky’s head off the turnbuckle, but Spooky likes that game too! Spooky does it by himself and likes it. Then snaps himself around to look straight into the soul of Mark Posey. That was kinda creepy for Spooky actually… Posey’s backing off, but Spooky grabs a clutch of Posey’s locks and gives Posey’s face a star map tour of all the ring’s hot turnbuckle spots.

One of Mr. Intensity’s strengths is his thick skull and a quick reversal headbutt drops Spooky. (Who knew Spooky had any brain left to damage?) Now that Spooky is in pain next comes Mark Posey’s all-too-familiar game: the intensity detox. Precision legdrops, surgical kneedrops, a million ccs of bareknuckle pain, a code blue diving headbutt. When the patient gathers the nerve to throw a shot back, doc Posey prescribes a hyperdermic thumb to the throat, shielded from the ref’s eyes. A ddt procedure is a success! Except Spooky has enough guts to kick out at two. The crowd is really trying to get Spooky to get up.

Or wait, the crowd is calling for Spooky and pointing to another Spooky at the backstage entrance? There’s two of them? The second spooky is in his underwear and mask and tied up at the knees and elbows flopping around? Mark Posey sees the other Spooky and is confused too. A flash of a pink hoodie jumps in the ring behind the first Spooky and yanks at the mask. It’s.. It’s Massive Damage! And that’s his manager/wife/star Sexy Samantha in the hoodie! Heavens to Murgatroid! The Ave audience bursts out in crazy disbelief!

Mr. Intensity is looking quite pale and tries to beat it, but Massive reaches out with both hands and grabs the hair. The only place Posey goes is into the corner for bruising signature chops. Samantha cheerleads the crowd with every impact. A variety box of chocolate suplexes is Massive Damage’s next christmas gift to Mark Posey, and the fans find it delectable. A cherry-centred spear gives Massive Spooky Damage the 3-count victory and Mark Posey is left to limp to the back to lick his wounds, though still with his belt, for now.

Winner: Spooky Damage, er, Massive Bonanza, uh… the good guy!

And now it’s time for the main event. Sonic Insania has made a splash in his rookie year with MPW, a top turnbuckle moonsault style splash! And with his mentor Phil Lafon he now has a shiny tag team belt to show off. But the Morningstar Mercenary known as Nite has two shiny belts of his own, and he’s not about to give one up to a ‘smurf’ with toxic green hair. And to help make sure of that, Chris Perish has come to back him up tonight, clutching two kendo sticks. Sonic Insania enters the ring with a mighty cheer of the crowd to stand by him.

MPW Provincial Championship; Nite (champion) vs. Sonic Insania (challenger)

Sonic’s training time with Phil shines through right from the start. He’s blazing fast and can whip out an armdrag takedown from any lockup angle Nite gives him. It’s clear Sonic is the better prepared for this match. Sonic calls out Nite on his ‘best wrestler you’ve ever seen’ tumbling skills, basic wresting drills every athlete in this industry had better know. Nite does them ok but Insania performs with vigor and precision, but right into a patented Nite toe kick.

Sonic’s vulnerable for a second, but with Nite pulling the ref away, Nite’s factionmate Chris Perish has all the time in the world to extend the agony. When Chris is done Nite picks up right where they left off. Surprisingly, Sonic is taking the beating and coming back for more. Nite ties Sonic up in the ropes and a dirty mule kick to the face has Sonic spilling out of the ring, but Sonic incredibly pulls a houdini on a Nite flying leg drop that dumps Nite right through a chain link fence! I guess Phil’s training has been grueling enough to get the kid to grow a thicker, though still skinny, skin for punishment.

The ante between the two gets raised and reraised. Sonic sets up for a second turnbuckle moonsault but Nite catches up and pulls off a second turnbuckle backdrop. Nite tries to follow up with a belly-to-back suplex but Sonic blocks and counters into a rolling Northern Lights pin, yet Nite twists over sideways to get on top of a mini camel clutch. Nite tries to convert into a Butterfly Stumper submission but Sonic counters into some cracklin corner chops. Nite comes back to pound Sonic into the corner, but a run-by heel kick to the face completely whiffs when Sonic dodges, and with Nite’s heel tangled up in the top rope Sonic levels a devastating ddt. Sonic controls the skies with his speed and agility, and Nite’s got the ground artillery, and the battle is too close to call yet. Nite tangles Sonic into the ropes for a dangerous slingshot into the crowd, but Sonic leaps up and over Nite’s rush and scores a massive impact from a crossbody to hurricanrana to frankenstein flip combo. Sonic brings the crowd with him to the top turnbuckle for a sonic boom crossbody splash to seal the deal!

But Nite kicks out at the last split second! Sonic’s not looking distressed though and pulls Nite into a power clutch. A sunset flip piledriver?! Where’d that come from?? Gotta be Phil Lafon’s veteran influence in training. But Nite *still* kicks out? Insane! The crowd can’t believe it. Sonic jumps for a signature second-rope springboard moonsault but Nite slips away to leave only an unforgiving planks and steel for a crash landing. Nite struggles up to the top turnbuckle. Gothic Frog Splash?! Where’d that come from?? Now Sonic kicks out? Unbelievable!

A kendo stick is tossed to the far side of the ring and Perish is up fast on the apron with a kendo stick but Senior Referee Kevin adeptly blocks Chris from making it through the ropes. Kevin doesn’t see Nite scoop up the loose stick and move towards a floundering Sonic, but Tyler James does! In a flash TJ is in the ring and grabs the stick away from a cowering Nite. The ref leaps across the ring to back James up and toss the weapon away. The ref moves back to Nite while TJ steps out of the ring but Perish completely blindsides TJ and is laying him out! This is bonkers! Nite picks up Sonic in a slam clutch, and torques around for a spinning facecrusher bomb, but Sonic’s flung legs whips into the side of Kevin’s head launching him straight out of the ring! Sonic’s not getting up from the move but there’s no ref to count either.

Nite doesn’t bother with checking on the ref, he just goes to grab a kendo stick and locks up Sonic’s limp arms with it. A power clutch probably means Nite’s zombiemaker underhook lift ddt finisher. Wham! That’s about it for the fallen hero, with TJ still out of action and with Perish bringing another ref from the back to make the count. One… Two… Three- Wow! Sonic beats the count?! Inconceivable! What Phil must do in those training sessions…

Nite has completely lost it and so has the crowd! He pulls Sonic up for another zombiemaker. Sonic wedges out! Rotates around to set up another sunset flip piledriver! Nite catches Sonic’s legs halfway through the flip?! Sitout Samoan driver out of nowhere?! A perfect position for a tight pin too. One, Two, Three… No kickout for Sonic this time. Sonic might have the stuff to be a champion, but today Nite showed he’s still a step ahead.

Winner: Nite, (Nite retains MPW Provincial Championship)

Nite and Perish take the kendo sticks to Sonic’s back. Obviously they’re feeling a bit threatened with how close Sonic got to winning. Taylor Stone, chair in hand, chases the Mercenaries from the ring. Tyler James is back up and helps Sonic get up but you can see the tension between all three MPW Provincial Division contenders, with the jester of darkness holding up the belt and laughing maniacally from just outside the ring.

Who’s going to stand up and be the hero of the MPW Provincial Division? Will Greatness on Demand be able to survive the growing tide turning against them? What is Vance Nevada’s master plan to best use the Money in the Bank contract? And what will the partnership with the Canadian National Wrestling Alliance bring Monster Pro Wrestling? The 2012 Apocalypse is coming to answer and action all of these. Happy New Year monster fans, and don’t you dare miss the next show: MPW presents HEARTLESS, January 14th 2012.

All MPW event results